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Epidemic of Apostrophe's

Fighting the onslaught of bad grammar.

We have a problem of epidemic proportion. There is no antidote. A plethora of unnecessary punctuation has invaded our grammar. We, as a society, are not equipped to manage the onslaught of apostrophes.

Years ago when I worked for Macy's while in college, the company's savants would frequently misspell signs that I was required to post in my area. When it happened, I sent them back to my manager who repeatedly told me I was the only one who would notice the errors. Please, oh, please let her be wrong.

During my Christmas shopping, I've seen countless signs directing "employee's only." Really? I want to ask store managers exactly what is it the employees have that is for them and them alone?

Someone gave me a thoughtful Christmas sign. I like it a lot, except it reads "The Gallagher's." I'm not sure what it means, so I am puzzled as to where to put it.

My sister came over. We stood staring at it. Perhaps if we added the word "home," she asked. Ah, but then it would be just one Gallagher's home. We are plural. She nodded in agreement.

We claim to be the greatest society in the world, and yet we are not educating ourselves. If we have a job ringing a register, we should know how to count change. If our business is making signs, we should know how to spell. How can we expect medical breakthroughs when we can't dissect a sentence? How can we compete in space when we don't know to build basic grammar?

This is America. We have the right to be stupid if we want to.

Joseph Hosey December 29, 2011 at 10:20 PM
I got my eye on a nice plastic house overlooking a muddy vacant lot, neighbor.
BabyNewCumbers December 30, 2011 at 12:04 AM
if you want plastic you'll have to stay in the double-wide with the telephone poles sprouting out of it that you were trying to sell - the covenants out here don't allow vinyl siding-brick only. and the vacant lots are nice because it gives one the feeling of room. fortunately-housing will be in the toilet for many years to come so I'll hopefully continue to enjoy my wide-open spaces.
Freddie Kissell December 30, 2011 at 10:20 PM
Bwaaahahahaha -- nice zinger there, Cumbers! Had to get your two cents in on your most envious topic, Joe's book. You are so transparent. Oooh, sounds like you live in a really ritzy neighborhood, Cumbers! In SHOREWOOD? Hahahahaha!
Vanessa Holloway December 30, 2011 at 10:35 PM
Joe- Why are you wasting your time with Cucumbers? Apparently he is jealous of you.
Freddie Kissell December 30, 2011 at 10:42 PM
I agree. And Cucumbers is a good name for him.

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